You are already always creating the life you want. You may have just not noticed it yet. Here’s how:
Every day you wake up (or not) and do stuff (or not) which produces the results you experience.
The results you want, you feel good about. The results you don’t want, you feel bad about.
The reason you feel good about the results you want is because this is how your life shows you that these results are the best things for you right now so you can relax and enjoy them.
The reason you feel bad about the results you don’t want is because this is how your life shows you there is something better available to you and it’s time to change what you are doing so you can relax and discover the better results that are out there for you.
This is how your life is your personal assistant that is always showing you what you can relax about and what you can begin to improve. This happens every moment of every day because your life knows you are worth having everything you want. Your life’s job is to continually steer you in the direction of what you want most and the more you pay attention to what it’s telling you, the faster and easier it becomes to experience more and more of the results you want.
Try it out and discover how you are already creating the life you want right now.
For words and music that empower, visit: AndyHarrisonMusic.com
When things are less than effortless when you are relating to another person in any kind of relationship, the one main reason is expectations.
Expectations that you have about how they will show up and expectations that they have about how you will show up. The more expectations that there are between two people, the more potential challenges there can be, especially if you don’t discover what’s behind them.
Behind all the expectations is one main expectation that, once discovered, gives you a tremendous tool to begin clearing the way for more clarity, space and better energy in the process of relating to the other person.
The main expectation behind all other expectations is: the expectation that the other person’s behavior will change your energy (how you feel) and/or will support a particular self image (identity) that you have or want to have.
You expect that them showing up in a particular way will make you feel better and will help you to better see yourself in the way you want. You also expect that them NOT showing up in this particular way will do the opposite for you: it will make you feel bad and see yourself in a negative way.
In holding this main expectation, you are giving the power to feel how you want and the power to define yourself over to the other person, at least to some degree (to the degree that it feels like a problem for you).
Think about an expectation you have about another person’s behavior that is not being met right now and that feels like a challenge for you (this should not be too hard!)
Now ask yourself “If this were going perfectly right now, how would I want to feel?”
Once you answer this question, you have the feeling that you are hoping to get from them showing up in this particular way (the opposite of how they are showing up now).
Now ask yourself: “If this were going perfectly and I felt they way I want, what qualities would I have as a person (for example, words like free, at peace, strong etc)?
Once you answer this question, you have the self image you are hoping to have supported by this person showing up in this particular way (again, the opposite of how they are showing up now).
The solution is to let go of the main expectation – to no longer expect their behavior to change how you can feel and to no longer expect their behavior to support a particular self image you want. Instead, you can choose to feel how you want to feel now, and choose to experience yourself as having all the qualities you want right now regardless of how they show up now and in the future.
You can still have expectations about their behavior; obviously there will be some, but you now no longer expect their behaviors to change your feelings or self image – in a positive or in a negative way.
While this may seam more challenging to do than to just try to get them to change their behavior, in doing this, you are taking the weight off of the relationship. You are no longer expecting the relationship itself to do things for you that only you can do for yourself: choose the energy you want and choose to see yourself in a particular way.
Once you have let this main expectation go, you might discover how many of your other expectations were simply smaller versions of this one trying to get the same job done. Many of your other expectations might seam meaningless or less important than they did before.
When you no longer bring this one main expectation into the process of relating to the other person, then changes to both their behavior and yours can become simply logistical and much easier to collaborate with the other person on. You no longer feel that them showing up in any particular way has power over how you can feel and how you can see yourself. It then becomes much easier to bring the energy of love, compassion, empathy, fun, lightness or any other feeling you want to the process of relating with them.
Write down your answers to each of the following questions and take each step. You will then be living your exact road map to get from where you are now to living your perfect life. You can choose one area of your life or one thing in your life to do this with, or you can choose your entire life to do this with.
Step 1: Discover what perfect is to you now.
Ask yourself : “If things were perfect, what would things look/be like?
Imagine all of it.
Step 2: Discover the energy of perfect and choose it now.
“If things were perfect, how would I want to feel now?”
Feel it in your entire body now.
Step 3: Discover the Identity of perfect and be it now.
Ask yourself: If things were perfect (and I was feeling the way I want), how would I be as a person? What are all the qualities I would have?
Begin experiencing yourself as this person now.
Step 4: Discover the system of perfect and launch it now.
Ask yourself: “If things were perfect, what would I be doing on a regular basis?
What would I no longer be doing?”
Create a plan and commit to begin doing all the things you wrote down for question one, and to stop doing all the things you wrote down for question two immediately.
Step 5: Discover what to do next to begin living your perfect life now.
Ask yourself: “If things were perfect, but then started to look like they do now, what would be the first five things, in order, that I would do to get things back to perfect?”
Begin taking these five steps now.
You might discover in taking these steps that as you are moving towards what you are currently thinking of as perfect right now, as you continue to learn and grow, often times your perfect life is even closer, easier and better than you are imagining right now!
Whenever we are not happy it is because we are getting in the way of our natural state of happiness
We get in the way of our natural state of happiness by expecting results from the process of living to change our energy instead of changing our energy and making fully experiencing the process of living the result
When we stop expecting results from the process of living to ever change our energy and we allow ourselves to feel the energy we want now, we instantly experience our natural state of happiness
A simple way to do this is to take the following 3 steps anytime the process of living feels less than effortless and exciting:
1) Ask: “What result am I expecting to change my energy?”
2) Ask: “How would I want to feel if things went in the best way possible?”
3) Let go of expecting this result to ever change our energy and allow ourselves to feel this energy now and during the entire process
The more we use these steps (or something similar), the faster and more effortless experiencing our natural state of happiness can become until we discover steps are no longer necessary.
For words and music that empower, please visit: http://www.AndyHarrisonMusic.com
Have you been wishing your job, your relationship, your health or being able to live more in line with your purpose felt less like a struggle and more effortless and fun?
Well if so, you are definitely not alone. All of us feel this way about some area or areas of our lives at different times in our lives.
Check out this simple formula you can use to immediately begin changing your experience of anything.
Think about the thing in your life you’d most like to experience changing right now and read the following statement:
If the process doesn’t always feel effortless and exciting, you are expecting a result (or results) from the process to change your energy. Let go of expecting any result from the process to change your energy, choose to feel the energy you want now and always no matter what is happening, and the process will always feel effortless and exciting.
For example, if going to work isn’t fun, you are trying to get some result from going to work (maybe a paycheck, your title etc) to make you happier. If you choose instead to let go of expecting the result of going to work (a paycheck, your title etc) to ever make you feel happier, and you instead choose to feel happier now no matter what happens at work, then the process will begin to always feel effortless and fun.
From this perspective, all choices available to you become more obvious and you can see that there are only ever better or worse choices, none of which you need in order to feel how you want now and always.
If we’re lucky, we reach a time when we realize the only struggle we have ever experienced in our lives has been a struggle between an imaginary idea of ourselves and who we really are beyond that, and that the only thing necessary to end the struggle is to stop struggling.
These five questions guide your attention to begin changing your experience to greater happiness with anything you choose on five levels of happiness. Think of something you would like to feel happier about today, ask yourself these five questions and notice how your feelings and thoughts begin changing:
What am I no longer expecting to be impossible and what am I noticing is possible now instead?
How am I no longer expecting to feel because of this and how can I choose to feel now instead?
Who am I no longer expecting to have to be because of this and how can I be now instead?
What am I no longer expecting to have to do because of this and what can I do now instead?
How am I no longer expecting things to be because of this and how are things changing now instead?
What if shifting from feeling unhappy about something to feeling happy about it took only a few seconds?
What if once you learned how to do it, you could apply it to anything in your life you wanted to?
What in your day today would you make this shift with now?
Picture a volume knob in front of you easily within your reach.
Now imagine there being two positions on the volume knob, one to the far left and one to the far right.
Now picture the words “EXPECT WHAT ISN’T” written next to the far left position.
Now picture the words “DISCOVER WHAT IS” written next to the far right position.
This volume knob represents the two activities that we choose to bring to any moment. Whatever is happening, we can either expect something that isn’t there to be there or we are discover what actually is there, or, in most cases, we have a certain percentage of each of these happening at the same time.
Our level of happiness with anything is a direct result of how far to the left or how far to the right this volume knob is set with it any particular moment.
The farther to the left your volume knob is with something, the less happy you will be with it. The farther to the right it is, the more happy you will be with it.
In other words, with anything in your life, the more you are expecting what isn’t there to be there, the less happy you will be with it, and on the flip side, the more you are simply discovering what is there with no expectations, the happier you will be with it.
Try it out right now. Think of something you feel really happy about in your life right now. As you think about that thing, where would you say your volume knob is? Is it more towards expect what isn’t (are you expecting something to be there that isn’t there) or is it more towards discover what is (are you mostly just finding our what is there)?
Now think of something you feel less than happy about in your life. Where is your volume knob with this? Now as you think about this, imagine yourself turning the volume knob to the far right position – making the choice to no longer expect what isn’t there and instead choosing to simply discover more about what is there. How do you feel about this now?
What might happen if you reminded yourself about this volume knob the next time you catch yourself feeling less than happy with something and you experimented with turning it from one position to another?
For words and music that empower, visit: http://www.AndyHarrisonMusic.com
What if you are already living your perfect life right now?
What if you already have the perfect relationships, the perfect work situation, perfect health and the perfect purpose?
What if any time it doesn’t feel perfect it’s simply because you have been getting in the way of it coming out and being what it naturally wants to be?
What if all joy is simply the discovery process itself and not in any particular result?
For any part of your life, what if your job is to simply let it come out and be what it already wants to be now?
What if you simply stopped trying to predict what it might turn into, simply stopped trying to make it into something other than what it already is now, and simply stopped expecting any of it to make you happy ever and just let it come out and discover what it is being right now? What if this allowed you to notice how perfect it is right now?
What if you find you already are completely happy when you are focused on discovering what is happening now and that is always more than enough?
What if you living your perfect life is simply you discovering what your life already wants to be now, which is exactly how it is now?
As all of us grow up, we all develop an less than complete point of view about ourselves and other people that can sometimes create challenges when relating to others. This is part of the traditional way our brains develop, and we can sometimes feel trapped in no win situations when it comes to dealing with others.
The good news is that once we recognize it, we can supercharge our experience of relating to all other people for the better forever.
We tend to either carry one or both of the following assumptions that often times makes it less than easy to relate to other people.
we assume we can’t make ourselves important without hurting others in some way or
we assume we can’t make others important without hurting or compromising ourselves in some way
Do either or both of these sound familiar to you?
Both these assumptions are based on a larger assumption about life itself:
There isn’t enough for both us and others to always be equally important.
Carrying around these assumptions can lead us to behave with others in a way that guarantees conflict.
We tend to either cave into other’s wishes only to feel regret and anger later or we disregard others wishes to try to get more of what we want only to experience tension and distance with them later.
When we begin to see through these assumptions and break the patterns of reacting to them, we can begin to have a completely different experience of relating to others. Our experience can become one of knowing:
There is always enough for everyone to be equally important. Life is the ongoing adventure of discovering how.
If our assumptions are our main tools in creating what we experience, then all human problems could be a result of people assuming something less than these three things:
I am always important
All others are always important too
There is always enough for everyone
Think about any man made problem, current or past, and notice how the lack of one or several of these assumptions most likely went into creating the problem.
Step 2: Discover what you may be assuming instead of the three assumptions in Step 1.
Unless you are experiencing nothing but effortless excitement in every moment, chances are you may be hanging onto assumptions that are actively creating events and circumstances that are less than what you want. If we teach people how to treat us and we tell life what’s possible for us or not, then whatever we are assuming about ourselves, other people and life itself has a huge effect on what happens in our lives. The three main assumptions that act as the main control knobs on your experience are one about you, one about others, and one about life itself. Whatever they are, your brain is filling in the blank to these three statements:
“I am always _________.
“Other people always are or do_____________.”
“Life/ the world/ or there is always __________.”
Once you discover your three assumptions you can find out how they might be different than the three listed in step 1.
Step 3: Free yourself and do what works better
Once you discover your three assumptions that may be creating a world that is less than what you want, you get the choice whether you want to keep them or let them go and experiment with what might work better instead.
Imagine how you might feel different if you always knew in every situation that you are always important. Imagine how it might feel different to deal with others if you always experienced other people with the knowing that they are always important too no matter who they were. Imagine how it might feel different to begin looking for solutions to challenges with the knowing that there is always enough for everyone no matter how bleak the current situation might seem. How could this change your experience?
For a more detailed way to discover your three assumptions, you can check out this post: http://www.andyharrisonmusic.com/how-to-let-nothing-stop-you-discover-the-true-indestructible-you/
We can easily tell when something isn’t working well, but how do you know when something is working at it’s very best? How do you know if things could be better with your health, in doing something you love to do, in a relationship or with your work situation?
Here’s a simple test to find out. Think about the thing you are questioning as you read this next statement:
When something is working at it’s most optimal, you feel equally safe and equally free simultaneously.
If that’s not the case, chances are it could be better.
Feeling confidence about something is feeling certainty about the label(s) you have accepted for it.
Our brains are labeling machines and seek to find the most efficient route to you feeling certainty.
Because of this, it’s often times easy to accept labels for things that are quickly and easily available but that may not be accurate.
Doing this over time can create less confidence if we discover the labels we have accepted weren’t accurate.
True life long confidence is not confidence in the labels we have chosen or will choose. True life long confidence is feeling certain about our willingness to continue to do what it takes to improve our ability to make more and more accurate choices for the labels we accept for things from now on.
No matter how inaccurate the easily available labeling choices may seem, we can always feel confident in our willingness to stay curious and keep learning.
Here’s a new 60 second video about solving all the problems in your life. I’m probably taking the 60 second idea too far on this one, but that’s how I tend to roll when exploring limits. Let me know what you think. Thanks for watching!
Here’s a new video ” How to Be Happy Forever in 60 Seconds”. It outlines a very simple strategy for greater happiness that I created about a month ago that has been dramatically changing my experience: Check it out if you want and let me know what you think!
Through doing research for my next book on happiness, I discovered that happiness can be seen as existing on 5 different levels. To explain this idea, I developed the BLISS formula as a simple way of understanding the 5 levels.
I’ve continued to use the BLISS formula in pretty much all areas of my life and it continues to amaze me how practical it can be and how many different things you can apply it to.
Today I’m excited to share how you can use the BLISS formula as a template to create any result you want in your life.
As you read this version of the 5 Step BLISS formula, think of a result that you’d like to have happen in your life. It can be any kind of result, big or small, in any area of your life. Imagine how you might apply each step to allowing and creating the result you are thinking about.
Step 1: Believe it’s possible
In order for you to guarantee a result happening in your life, you have to believe it’s possible. Otherwise you will not have access to the right energy and information required to do your part in it happening. If you don’t completely believe it’s possible for you yet, simply stay open to the possibility that it might be and continue to the next step knowing that once you fully believe it’s possible for you, it becomes possible for you.
Step 2: Learn the formula
Behind you getting any consistent result in your life is a formula that can be measured. While life is full of both mystery and math, the math behind consistent results can be discovered. In this step you are simply eliminating all the choices except for the ones that work the absolute best to create the result you want. We now live in a world full of information so this step is easier than ever before.
Step 3: Identify yourself as the one in charge of making sure it happens
Once you know the formula, getting the result you want is simply a matter of making sure enough correct repetitions happen. This is true in every area of life. In this step, you want to see yourself as the one who is in charge of making sure enough correct repetitions of your formula happen. Without this step, it can be easy to try to give this responsibility to someone or something else. Even when you believe something is possible and know the formula for making it happen, without being the one in charge of making sure enough repetitions happen, you are leaving it up to chance. Once you do take on that responsibility though, you are 3/5ths of the way to guaranteeing that it will happen!
Step 4: Systematize it
The easiest way to make sure enough correct repetitions of your formula happen is to create a system that guarantees that they happen. A system is simply a sequence of steps and a schedule that create a consistent result. You have a system for lot’s of things in your life already that you use everyday to get the results you have now. In this step you are simply making a list of steps and a schedule that will guarantee that enough correct repetitions of your formula happen.
Step 5: See the benefit in everything that happens
As you continue to run your system, you can allow everything that happens to refine both your result and how it can happen. As you keep going, you might discover an even more exciting result than the one you initially wanted to create and/or you might discover more effortless ways to allow it to happen. No matter what happens over time, when you look for it, you can find a benefit that will help you create more exciting results with less effort.
Thanks for reading!
For words and music that empower, visit: http://www.AndyHarrisonMusic.com
When we are very young, we choose our own limitations based on the responses we get from our parents. We then live with the pain of these choices, overlooking the fact that we made a choice. We assume our pain was and is being generated by our parent(s) and we feel anger towards them because of this assumption.
We are really angry at ourselves for remaining trapped in our own limiting ideas of who we have been assuming we have to be.
When we take the chance to step back and see the assumptions that we have chosen, we are at the same times, giving ourselves the chance to re decide if we want to hold onto them or not. We are then giving ourselves the chance to be and feel more of how we want now and from then on.
When we are learning to talk, our brains begin to form two distinctly separate neural networks which end up determining the quality of the rest of our entire lives. It’s as if our brain forms two separate boxes where it puts everything we experience from then on and what is able to be put in those boxes ends up meaning the difference between a life of happiness or horror, a life of success of failure, a life of confidence or unworthiness. Unless we learn about these two boxes and choose to begin living beyond them, it is easy to feel like you are living less of a life than you could.
I call these two boxes the I Box and the Other Box because those are the two main ideas that get put in the two boxes. Your brain puts everything it decides “you” are into the I Box and it puts everything else into the Other Box. Living with these two boxes creates the feeling that there is always something missing or not quite enough while simultaneously a strong desire to keep yourself safe.
Below is a list of steps outlining the basic process we all tend to live through. Check these out and if you want a step by step way to begin living beyond your two boxes now, you can check out this post here:
1)The 3 I box assumptions are formed, These include a belief about yourself, a belief about other people, and a belief about the world.
A) I am not ___________
B) People are not___________
C) There is not______________
2) Your I Box feels something is missing ( because of the 3 I Box assumptions that assume you, people and the world are less than they are) and simultaneously feels the need to keep itself safe (which means maintaining it’s 3 I Box assumptions).
3) Your I Box actively tries to get what it feels is missing (to know what it would feel like without the limitations of the 3 I Box assumptions) while at the same time keeping itself safe (which means maintaining the 3 I Box assumptions). So the I Box is in a no-win situation, because keeping itself safe includes maintaining it’s 3 I Box assumptions and getting what it feels is missing can only truly happen through giving them up. Maintaining the 3 I Box assumptions keeps the same types of situations showing up in your life over and over because we naturally create circumstances that reflect our strongest assumptions. It can also feel like we are living in a constant state of dis-ease, conflict or a lack of peace because we feel pulled in two opposite directions simultaneously and nothing seams to ever fix it for long.
4) The I Box chooses compromise situations in an attempt to both keep itself safe (maintain it’s 3 I Box assumptions) and get what it feels is missing (to feel the opposite of it’s 3 I Box assumptions).
This usually happens in any of the following ways:
A) The I Box builds itself up so it feels more powerful than the “other” that it is interacting with by attaching new ideas about itself to the 3 I Box assumptions (awards, positions, titles, stories: “I am famous”)
B) Reducing “other” so that it feels less powerful than the I Box
C) Reducing the idea of itself to appear less powerful to “other” (“I am disabled”) in order to extract what it feels is missing from “other’ through pity or obligation
D) It builds up “other” to appear more powerful than the I Box for the same reasons as C above
5) The only real way for the I Box to get what it feels is missing is to give up it’s 3 I Box assumptions and experience itself (or more accurately “you” experience “you” beyond the I Box) as naturally the opposite of the 3 I Box assumptions. Your I Box IS the 3 I Box assumptions plus any other ideas you have built on top of them. Discovering and letting the assumptions go IS experiencing yourself beyond your ego.
Our brain has divided our experience into two main categories: 1) it’s idea of “me” (what it has decided we are), and 2) it’s idea of “other” (what it has decided everything else is).
At the most basic level, you can think of your brain’s idea of “me” as your body, and your brain’s idea of “other” as everything outside your body.
Our brain is constantly trying to protect it’s idea of “me” from it’s idea of “other”. It is simply trying to keep what it has decided you are safe.
Anytime it’s idea of “other” appears to be more powerful or bigger than it’s idea of “me”, our brain will put more attention on “me” and less attention on “other” and we sometimes feel fear or anxiety.
A cure for fear or anxiety could be to actually put more attention on your brain’s idea of “other” in these situations. Simply putting more attention on the things outside your body can instantly reduce or eliminate fear and anxiety.
Try it out now if you want and discover how your feelings can shift instantly. Just for a second, put more of your attention on what’s outside your body and notice how you feel differently.
Could developing greater skill at doing this more easily, over time, cure fear and anxiety? What do you think?
When certain events or people are able to consistently bother us, get to us, or slow us down, it’s usually due to a few thought and feeling patterns we picked up when we were young. All of us develop our own versions of these few patterns and discovering the specifics of what yours have been, is a gigantic leap towards discovering the true indestructible you that can more easily meet and transform any challenge.
Discovering the true indestructible you is mostly about finding out who you are not: finding the fake ideas about who you are that you somehow bought into over the years.
Once you discover who you are not and experiment with not trying to be that all the time, then who you really are can more easily show up in your experience. Assigning words to who you really are, or in other words, filling in the blank to the question: “Who I am is __________”, is the beginning of creating more ideas about who you are that can easily take your attention away from simply staying open to experience it. So even though I am using the term “The True Indestructible You”, I encourage you to resist giving words to who you really are before simply experiencing it.
Simply 1) discovering who you are not, 2) not trying to always be it anymore and, 3) staying open to what happens next, can help you experience more of what we could call “who you really are” beyond the fake ideas that have been in the way.
Here is a simple, six step process I recently developed to help us take step 1 and discover who we are not.
Step 1) Think of the first person in your life that played the role of the main other person in your life. This is usually your Mom or Dad or another person who’s role was to take care of you most of the time when you were a baby and small child. With this person in mind, answer the following three questions:
A) Who did I have to be in order to survive with this person?
B) Who did I have to be in order to get this person’s attention?
C) Who did I have to be to get this person’s love?
Step 2) Answer this question with that person in mind:
What were the steps I had to take to try to be all this? List out the first three to five steps in order:
Step 3) Answer this question:
What did I decide was probably true about myself, other people and the world because of trying to be this? List the top three to five things.
Step 4) Answer this question by filling in the blank:
What have I been most afraid of because if this experience? Please fill in the blank to the following phrase:
“The thing I have been most afraid of is being trapped in a situation where ____________________.”
Step 5) Answer this question, allowing yourself to feel the feelings as much as possible:
If anything were possible, how would I rather feel instead of this?
Step 6) Run the “Prison Break Swish Pattern” to free your attention from your old patterns. This is a version of an NLP pattern called the swish pattern which I’ve updated to apply to these limiting thought and feeling patterns.
A) Close your eyes and picture your main other person out in front of you
B) Now picture yourself in front of them
C) Now picture your thought feeling patterns that you discovered through answering the questions above surrounding both you and the other person. Imagine this is any way that this makes sense to you. There is no right or wrong way to do this.
D) Now picture the most powerful energy you can imagine bursting through the other person, bursting through you and then bursting through the thought and emotion patterns shattering them into oblivion. As you do this, allow yourself to feel all the feelings you described in step 6 as much as possible. Run this nine more times.
How does this feel? Did it radically shift your experience in a positive way? If so, you can experiment with doing step six a few more times. Each time you do this, you are reversing your old limiting patterns and creating new pathways for your attention to come back to notice who you really are now.
Pretend for a second that you have two volume knobs that adjust your level of stress.
One volume knob is marked “Expectations”. This knob turns up or down the amount of expectations you bring to the present moment. It adjusts how much or how little you are expecting things to be a certain way each moment.
The second volume knob is marked “Appreciation”. This knob turns up or down the amount of appreciation you bring to the present moment. It adjusts how much or how little you are appreciating what is happening right now each moment.
Now pretend you are in a situation where you notice you feel more stress than you would like. Take a second to really put yourself there.
Now imagine you turn down your Expectation volume knob all the way to zero, turning off any and all expectations about what you thought had to happen right now (it only has to be just for the moment).
Now imagine you turn up your Appreciation volume knob all the way to ten, turning up your feelings of appreciation and bringing it to what IS happening right now (it only has to be just for the moment).
Notice how it feels. Notice what you are focusing on now that is different than in the moments before.
Each time you adjust these two volume knobs, you are adjusting your relationship between what you think of as yourself and what you think of as other. You can instantly annihilate or greatly reduce stress in any moment and you are, at the same time, improving your ability to eliminate stress in your life in a more permanent way.
If money is simply stored energy, then energy is true wealth.
Your attention is your power to direct and thus invest energy (or true wealth).
The higher quality your attention is, the greater the investment is and the higher the returns can be.
Appreciation is a higher quality of attention than non appreciation. When you “appreciate” something, you are investing a high quality of attention in it. When someone “appreciates” you, you feel the difference in their investment and you feel more valuable. It works the same when you “appreciate” someone or something else.
The more high quality attention or “appreciation” you are directing (or investing) right now in the present moment, the higher your returns can be in the future.
In other words, the more you are “paying” attention to and appreciating what’s happening right now in your life, the better your future is becoming right now.
It’s important to know that it’s not that important what particular stuff you are investing in, it’s simply important that you continue to invest. All stuff is simply energy showing up in different forms. Energy can take on any form and the forms change over time in relation to how much and what quality level your investing is. You might invest for a long time in a particular thing and never see a return. Then you might get a huge return from some other thing without seemingly having invested anything. This is because every “thing” is connected by the one energy that everything is made of (true wealth) and that one energy is what you are investing in, not in any one particular thing.
Knowing this, our best investment strategy is to “appreciate” everyone and everything that we experience as much as possible and to not expect a return from any one particular person or thing, remembering the more we appreciate, the wealthier we are.
But what about taking action? Take the actions that naturally come from appreciating someone, something or some opportunity and you’ll always know what to do and how much.
We are all made of wealth (attention and energy). Invest wisely and you will “appreciate” your future!
For more words and music that transform your possibilities, please visit: http://www.AndyHarrisonMusic.com
So much of what we think we want, often times comes from a desire to feel less limited. We want stuff to change in order to prove that we are not limited in a particular way.
When we assume we are limited, we also assume that certain things are not possible (at least not for us right now). So out life becomes separated and feels like it’s us against everything else where we have to struggle to make things change.
When we are already experiencing ourselves as unlimited, we also experience a life where everything feels possible. From this experience, nothing feels like it has to change because we have nothing to prove (to ourselves or anyone else). Changing things is then simply fun experimentation and creation and it happens in a much easier and more effortless way.
If we were to break the process of creating what we want most in life into steps, it might look like this:
1) Get the feeling first: Feel full of life – experience yourself as unlimited with the sense of knowing that anything is possible.
2) Notice the most exciting inspired idea that comes to you
3) Take the most exciting next step towards creating it and repeat steps 1 – 3.
For more words and music that transform your possibilities, please visit: http://www.AndyHarrisonMusic.com
Pick something you want to change about your experience. It could be something big or small. After reading this post, if your excited about it, try out your three tools and see if you notice having more influence on stuff changing in your life.
We are all born with three tools that allow us to change our experience. Learning how to use these three tools in the most effective ways is the key to our life continuing to improve.
The three tools are:
Where we focus our attention
The meaning we give to stuff
The actions we take
Any other choice we have in making changes to our lives is a subset of one or more of these three tools.
Where we choose to focus our attention is what determines what information we have access to.
The meaning we give to stuff are the definitions we put on things, and most importantly, how we define our relationship to everything we experience.
The actions we take are simply what we do with our body, which includes what and how we communicate.
We have two main choices in using each of these three tools. One choice allows us to improve our experience and the other does not. Becoming clear on what these two choices are for each tool is essential to us continuing to allow the changes we want most to happen and to avoid living in patterns of frustration and stagnation.
The two choices we have for tool #1, about where we focus our attention are:
Choice 1) We can focus on the stuff: We can choose to focus on the matter; the people, the places, the things, the events, the circumstances and our thoughts about these or
Choice 2) We can focus on the space in which everything is: We can choose to notice the space in which all the stuff is happening right now. In art they call this negative space – it’s the area in a piece of art in which the objects in a picture or painting exists. Great artists learn that the negative space often times is more important to the beauty of a piece than the objects themselves. When you focus on the space you are simply putting more of your attention on all the space in between and within all the people, places, things, events, circumstances and our thoughts about these.
The two choices for tool #2, the meaning we give to stuff are:
Choice 1) We can assume that we are not in charge of our experience improving or
Choice 2) We can assume we are in charge of our experience improving
The two choices for tool #3, the actions we take, are:
Choice 1) To NOT act on our experience improving or
Choice 2) To act on our experience improving
The three choices that allow us the most influence to change our experience are:
Focus on the space in which everything is.
Doing this allows us to access all the information, new ideas and energy of what else is possible. The space in which everything is is where every creative idea exists. All that has yet to be is showing up in the space in which everything that is here now is. We can gain access to all these choices sooner by focusing more on the space. You might experience it as getting the right idea at just the right time, or it might feel like an “ah ha” moment, or you might see an image flash in your mind about what something could look like. All the best improvements are already in the space in which everything is now.
Assume you are in charge of your experience improving.
Every teacher knows that the main key to helping someone learn how to do something new, is to make sure they believe they can. Without assuming that we can do something, it is almost impossible to do it, or to keep doing it. Knowing that our brain will be assuming something, assuming we are in charge of our experience improving actually makes it true and it gives us the power to do it.
Act on your experience improving.
This is a no brainer right? We can’t expect things to improve in the ways we want by not doing anything towards them changing. We all know this, but it’s easy to forget, especially if we don’t make the two other choice above.
I’d love to hear how this effects your experience.
Thanks for reading!
For words and music that ignite your unlimited possibilities, please visit: http://www.AndyHarrisonMusic.com
In this post I’d like to offer you a challenge. I’d like to challenge you to spend 10 minutes today either improving your ability to be happier for the rest of your life, or proving me wrong.
If I told you there was a simple exercise that could increase your ability to feel more happiness for the rest of your life and that it only takes 10 minutes, you would probably either be excited to try it and see if it works, or you would think I was full of it.
So I’m offering you a challenge to find out. If you accept the challenge, after the 10 minute exercise you will either feel happier, or you will feel right about me being full of it. In either case, you win!
Here is the basic idea:
Being happy or unhappy is completely 100% a decision that we make. This decision is sometimes made unconsciously and that’s why it can sometimes appear that things outside of our control are causing us to be happy or unhappy.
Happiness or unhappiness is the result of three concepts being strung together inside our brains:
A) The concept of “I” (what your brain thinks you are)
B) The concept of “enough” and
C) The concept of “now”
The decision to be happy or not is the decision to assume that either:
A) “I am enough right now” or
B) “I am not enough right now”
Happiness is the result of these three concepts being strung together like this:
“I” = “enough” + “now” or in other words: “I am enough right now”
Unhappiness is the result of these three concepts being strung together like this:
“I” does not equal “enough” + “now” or in other words: “I am not enough right now”
Being happy or not is 100% caused by this decision. Whichever decision you make in any moment, the feeling of happiness or unhappiness follows.
Whenever you are unhappy, you are assuming “I am not enough right now” and whenever you are happy, you are assuming “I am enough right now”.
Try to find one example from your entire life that proves this wrong. I bet you can’t.
This explains how we can be happy in one area of our lives and feel unhappy in another area at the same time. We are making the assumption that we are enough right now in the one area of our lives and we are making the assumption that we are not enough right now in the other area.
This also explains how we can feel happy during one period in our life with something and then become unhappy with that same thing later on. As time goes on and things change, we begin assuming we are no longer enough when it comes to relating to that thing, person or situation.
So knowing this, becoming more happy in life is simply a matter of deciding that “I am enough right now” more often.
So how do I do that? You might ask. I’m happy you asked!
Whenever you catch yourself feeling unhappy, saying the following phrase to yourself can help your brain make the decision to change the assumption it is making from “I am not enough right now” to “I am enough right now”.
The phrase is: “Who am I no longer expecting to be because of this, and how am I choosing to be now instead?”
The challenge for us when we are unhappy is remembering to do something different than we are used to doing when we feel that way. So in order to have this be easy, we can make remembering this phrase into a lifelong habit so that it will be on the tip of our brain, ready to use when we want it. To make this phrase into a habit, we can simply say it to ourselves 100 times.
Here are the steps to the 10 minute happiness challenge:
Step 1: Create a grid with 10 cells in it, like 10 check boxes in a row
Step 2: Say the phrase: “Who am I no longer expecting to be because of this, and how am I choosing to be now instead?” to yourself 10 times in row.
Step 3: Put an X in one of the 10 cells
Step: 4 Repeat steps one, two and three until you have 10 X’s filled in
This exercise should take 10 minutes or less.
After doing this, notice how you are feeling. Even if you were feeling pretty happy before the exercise, see if you notice feeling even happier now. If you were feeling less than happy, see if you notice it being almost impossible to feel that now. If you feel no change at all after getting your 100 repetitions in of this phrase, see if it pops in your head the next time you are faced with a challenge and see if it provides you with and instant way to choose more happiness in that moment. If this exercise has absolutely no effect on your levels of happiness, then you have proven me wrong!
Whatever your results are, please let me know!
Thanks for listening and thanks for choosing to be you!
For words and music that ignite your unlimited possibilities, please visit: http://www.AndyHarrisonMusic.com
Here are some thoughts about the most important things. What are your ideas on this?
1) What’s the most important thing in life?
To experience more love and happiness and less pain and suffering.
Whether we are good at it or not, this is the motivation behind everything we do isn’t it?
2) What’s the most important thing about us experiencing more love and happiness?
Realizing that us experiencing love and happiness is a choice and not just something that happens to us.
3) What’s the most important thing about us realizing that us experiencing love and happiness is a choice?
Us taking on the role of being the one in charge or our experience: of how we feel and of our circumstances improving, and not trying to put other people or outside circumstances in charge of our experience.
4) What’s the most important thing about taking on the role of being the one in charge of our experience?
Us creating and improving systems that produce the results we are most excited about in the most effortless ways we know of, and not expecting the systems created by other people to consistently produce these results for us.
5) What’s the most important thing about us creating and improving systems that produce the results we are most excited about?
Finding the benefit in everything that happens that allows us to A) produce more exciting results in more effortless ways, or B) be more in charge of our experience or C) choose more love and happiness , and not staying focused on how what has happened might be a limitation.
For words and music that ignite your unlimited possibilities, please visit: http://www.AndyHarrisonMusic.com
At some point in our lives, we all have to make one crucial decision: Are we going to assume that we are in charge of how we feel and of our lives improving or not?
Making this decision means the difference between being open to the possibility that what you want most can happen or always having doubt that it ever could.
Making this decision means the difference between being able to live with the feelings of safety, freedom and excitement whenever you want to or accepting a life where you have feelings of sadness, fear or apathy when you don’t want to.
Making this decision means the difference between creating a life that you are excited about everyday or accepting a life with more things you don’t want everyday.
Making this decision means the difference between having the ability to find a benefit in everything that happens or experiencing a burden in everything that happens.
Making this one crucial decision can literally mean the difference between being happy or not for the rest of our lives.
Every day we make the choice to live in love or to live in fear.
When we choose to live in love fully, we bring unconditional love to every part of our life.
We don’t care about the outcome.
When we choose to live in love fully, this choice automatically eliminates most of the possible things we could focus on, leaving only three things that we have to focus on:
Discovering, creating and allowing the results we are most excited about
Discovering the most effortless ways for it to happen
Doing it all with NO expectations of any outcome
When we live in love fully, we don’t need a particular outcome because we feel enough during the entire process. The act of focusing on the above three things every day IS the result we discover to be the most exciting.
When we choose to live in fear, that choice automatically creates all the other choices we could focus on:
Living with results that are less than the most exciting ones
Doing things in less than the most effortless ways
Doing things with expectations
When we choose to live in fear, instead of love, we are ultimately only afraid of finding out WE are not enough. When we choose to not love our life unconditionally and we focus on results that are less than the most exciting ones to us, on doing things in less than the most effortless ways, and we do things with expectations, we are ultimately afraid that if we gave our all, it might still not be enough. We are afraid this might prove that We are not enough.
Every day we make the choice to live in love or to live in fear.
When we choose to live in love fully, we bring unconditional love to every part of our life.
We don’t care about the outcome because we discover that living in love fully is the most exciting result.
For words and music that ignite your unlimited possibilities, visit: AndyHarrisonMusic.com
More money, better relationships, love, better health, to find and live a life that is meaningful, to know our true purpose, to have our time here make a real difference in making the world better?
If you ask ten people this question, you would, of course, probably get ten different answers, but what do they all have in common?
All the things that people might list in answering this question, at least according to the person listing them, seam like they might lead to the experience of what I’m calling “enoughness”.
Enoughness is the feeling that we are enough and that we have enough.
This is what we all want: to feel that we are enough and that we have enough.
We also want to avoid feeling the opposite.
If you think about it, almost every action we take is, in our own minds, an attempt for us to experience more “enoughness” or for us to avoid experiencing “not enoughness.”
So what makes the difference in how much enoughness we experience in life? Is it our life circumstances (our level of privilege, level of income, connections, our genetic heritage, talent, etc) or is it something else?
Where does enoughness come from?
Recent scientific research is showing that the experience of not enoughness is due to one habitual pattern of thinking that we develop in early childhood.
It’s also suggesting that when we relax this habit and choose to not run the pattern, we automatically and naturally experience more enoughness.
As a result of learning language and other things, our brains create two separated neural networks called the Intrinsic and Extrinsic neural networks. These two neural networks literally divide our experience between what our brain has decided is “us” (usually our body, our life’s story and our imagined future) and what our brain has decided is everything else (usually everything that is not our body, our life story and our imagined future).
This separated experience creates a life where we often times feel like either we are not enough, or that we don’t have enough of something, or both.
So what can we do to experience more enoughness?
Recent research on the happiest people alive is strongly suggesting that the reasons these people are happy is because they have begun to un-seperate these two neural networks. These people have begun to integrate the Intrinsic and Extrinsic neural networks inside their brains and this creates a more integrated experience between what they think is them and what they think is everything else. They literally begin to feel at one with everything.
Many of the people being studied have practiced meditation for decades in order to facilitate this integration process. Because we now have the ability to see inside their brains to witness what happens when they are at their happiest, many people are starting to consider how others might be able to speed up this process to experience similar levels of happiness in their lives.
Here is one idea on how we can begin doing this now:
Think of you having two control knobs that control your experience. One knob controls your experience of everything that is not you, and the other controls your experience of yourself.
Now picture the knob that controls your experience of everything that is not you as one that turns down your expectations of situations.
You can use this knob to turn down expecting to get the feeling of enoughness from any situation.
Anytime you find yourself worrying, angry or regretful about any situation, you can simply turn down this knob and let go of expecting to get the feeling of enoughness from that situation. Try this out with something in your life right now. You might find simply turning down your expectation can instantly help you feel lighter or freer.
Now picture the knob that controls your experience of yourself as one that turns up your willingness to notice and bring out the feeling of enoughness through yourself.
Anytime you are feeling not enoughness, you can turn up this knob to become more willing to notice and bring out the feeling of enoughness through yourself into whatever the situation is.
You might find that if you simply stop focusing on your mental story for a second or two and focus on how it feels to be alive in your body in that moment, it gets easier to feel the enoughness that is already there in your experience whenever you want to. Try this out right now and see how it works for you.
You can make experimenting with these two experience knobs into a game you play everyday. The more you use these two knobs, the better at it you get and, in my experience, the more happiness you can experience more quickly.
In using these two knobs, you are helping the Intrinsic and Extrinsic neural networks in your brain become more integrated. You are changing your brain to experience more and more happiness.
For words and music that ignite the unlimited possibilities in your life, visit: AndyHarrisonMusic.com
If you’ve ever wished life was easier, then this post is for you.
What if there was a way to make every difficult situation instantly start working for you instead of against you?
What if the more challenging the situation was, the harder it could immediately start to work to improve your life?
Would you be curious about how to do this?
Check out these 4 simple steps on how to put life to work for you now.
Let’s first take a look at what a problem or challenge really is.
A problem is nothing more than your current idea of yourself feeling threatened.
Think back to any problem you’ve had and you can discover that the reason it felt like a problem was that it was threatening in some way to your self concept at the time.
The bigger the problem, the more your idea of yourself felt threatened.
We can use this to our advantage and let life begin working for us anytime we experience a problem.
We can begin to use the experience of having certain types of problems as a way to evolve past the need for them in our lives.
Let’s take a look at the steps we go through when we experience a problem.
Step 1) You are there with your current idea of yourself
Step 2) A problem happens and your current idea of your self feels threatened
We then have three possible choices to make if you want to feel better:
Distract ourselves from our feelings
Change the circumstance to one with which we’ll feel better or
Discover how we are more than our current idea of our self
Again, a problem is nothing more than our current idea of our self feeling threatened.
When we choose option three, we allow ourselves the opportunity to not only eliminate the current problem, but also to eliminate all similar problems in the future. when we do this we move onto:
Step 3) Discover how you are more than your current idea of yourself
Step 4) You live with a new more unlimited idea of yourself. This eliminates the problem and all other problems like it.
The next time you experience a problem, try asking yourself these two questions to discover a more unlimited idea of yourself:
Question 1) “What image of myself is feeling threatened in this situation?”
Take a moment to discover what idea you have of yourself that is feeling threatened. It will usually be some kind of idea of how you are good in some way, like “I am smart” or “I am a nice person” or something like that.
Question 2) “How am I discovering I am more than this now?”
Allow yourself to explore how you can be now beyond the limiting idea of yourself you just discovered. Take the time to really feel the difference.
When we choose to discover how we are more than our current idea of ourselves, we are evolving. When we do this, we are instantly on the same team as life itself. We quickly discover how much life wants us to expand and is already helping us do that every day. Doing this puts life to work for us (as it has been all along).
Do you sometimes catch yourself thinking about all the possible things that could go wrong?
Well if so, this is good news, and I’m serious!
The process of worrying is actually the same process as being at the highest level of happiness – plus two additional unnecessary steps.
Once you discover these two additional unnecessary steps and get better at forgetting to take them, what used to be worry can be happiness at the highest level.
Let me explain.
When we worry about something, we first have to be open to what else is possible. We have to open up to what else might be possible now in the current situation, essentially asking ourselves:
“What else is possible now?”
This is the same process we go through to be happy at the highest level: we stay open to what else is possible.
When we worry though, we are simply taking two additional steps that create the feelings or worry.
After asking the first question, our brain usually discovers one possibility that we wouldn’t want to have happen and then we allow this thought to frame the rest of our exploration. From that point on, instead of staying open to all else that might be possible, our brain then begins to look only for those things that might happen as a result of the first negative idea.
For example: You look at your 401K and it’s down from last month. You open to what else is possible essentially asking yourself:
“What else is possible now?”
Your brain answers: “I could loose everything in my 401K like some people did in 2008”.
Your brain then asks: “What else might happen if I loose everything?” and then it continues to explore only what else might be possible if that happened. And then you’re in worry land, thinking about all the negative things that might happen.
So the steps to how to worry might look like this:
Step 1: Be open to what else is possible
Step 2: Find one negative scenario that is possible
Step 3: Close off to all other possibilities and explore only things that could happen as a result of that
The happiest people have discovered that continuing to stay open to what else is possible throughout the entire process, is one of the keys to happiness at the highest level.
Not allowing your brain to settle on just one scenario to explore IS staying happy at the highest level.
For example: You look at your 401K and it’s down from last month. You open to what else is possible essentially asking yourself:
“What else is possible now?”
Your brain might answer: “I could loose everything in my 401K like some people did in 2008”. And then it might ask: “What else might happen if I loose everything?”
But if you continue to stay open to what else is possible instead of exploring only that one possible scenario, you might ask yourself:
“What if I don’t? What else would be possible?”
Then you are keeping your experience open and curious about all possibilities and you might find that worry becomes impossible when you do this.
So the steps to how to not worry might look like this:
Step 1: Be open to what else is possible
Step 2: Be open to what else is possible
Step 3: (You guessed it) Be open to what else is possible
Here are a few questions you can ask yourself to keep from going into worry and staying at the highest levels of happiness:
Money: Your brain says: “What if I loose everything?” You say: “What if I don’t? What else is possible now?”
Relationships: Your brain says: “What if he or she leaves me?” You say: “What if they don’t. What else is possible now?”
Health: Your brain says: “What if I don’t get better?” You say: “What if I do?What else is possible now?”
Art: Your brain says: “What if my life has no purpose?” You say “What if it does?What else is possible now?”
If this feels exciting, try this out the next time you catch yourself starting to explore only the negative things that could happen.
For words and music that ignite your unlimited possibilities, visit: http://www.AndyHarrisonMusic.com
We’ve all had times where we’ve felt uncertain, confused or even downright frustrated with our ability to deal with people and stay happy.
Sometimes dealing with people or a particular person can become so overwhelming or negative that we want to stop or limit our interacting with all people.
Have you ever felt this way?
What if there were two simple guidelines that could help us navigate the sometimes murky waters of how to relate to other people and make sure we can stay happy throughout the entire process?
What if by following these two rules you could avoid or severely limit the negativity when interacting with other people for the rest of your life?
If this sounds useful, read the rest of this post to discover how you might be able to have a much lighter, freer, happy and vastly more productive time interacting with all people from now on.
The first idea in understanding these two rules is the idea of staying above the line.
The idea of being above the line was first developed by the Conscious Leadership Group and it represents the idea of being in the optimal state of mind to be happy and effective.
You can learn more about it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLqzYDZAqCI
My interperatation of staying above the line simply means that we make sure we are assuming two things about ourselves when we interact with another person:
1) We assume that we are the one in charge of how we feel (not them) and 2) We assume that we are the one in charge of our lives improving (not them)
When we make sure we carry these two assumptions when interacting with others, we are ensuring that we can interact with them from a place of completeness and integrity. We are not expecting the two vital responsibilities of being in charge of how we feel, and making sure our lives are improving to come from any other person or situation other than ourselves. We are not expecting to outsource these vital responsibilities to the other person, consciously or unconsciously, so we are free to relate to them any way we choose to without feeling the need for them to show up in a particular way.
When we stay above the line with people by making sure we are assuming these two things, we feel free to relate to people much more openly, honestly and freely. This is half of the equation to staying happy while relating to another person:
Rule #1: Always stay above the line when interacting with another person.
But as you know, just because you decide to stay above the line with someone, that doesn’t mean that they will decide to stay above the line with you.
We’ve all been in situations where we are staying true to ourselves and making sure we don’t bring negativity into relating with another person, only to have the other person choose to relate to us with more negativity. This is the reality of relating to others. We all get to choose whether we stay above or below the line, and no one can choose for us.
While you staying above the line certainly can make it easier for the other person to get or stay above the line also, sometimes they simply might not want to be above the line. Many people you meet will not know what it is to be above the line and many will not have made the commitment to themselves to interact with others from above the line.
All we can do is commit to ourselves that we will stay above the line when interacting with other people AND that we will not fall into a pattern of enabling another person to stay below the line.
Many people fall into the trap of assuming responsibility for how others feel or for their lives improving in some way. Over time, this brings negativity into relating to the other person because you are enabling them to stay below the line. You are making it easier for them to not assume these two things:
1) That they are the one in charge of how they feel (not you) and 2) That they are the one in charge of their lives improving (not you)
This is the other half of the equation for staying happy while relating to another person:
Rule #2: Never enable another person to stay below the line.
When we follow these two simple rules, we are guaranteeing ourselves and others the maximum amount of happiness when interacting with them:
Rule #1: Always stay above the line when interacting with another person.
Rule #2: Never enable another person to stay below the line.
The noticing of “I am” is the purest experience of our self and our life that we can have. The noticing that we simply exist.
Every other experience is a subset of this main experience.
When we notice that “I am” – period, without adding any other ideas to it, we are experiencing the simple, pure truth of our existence.
Noticing that “I am” (I’m saying “I am” because that’s how we experience it; it’s the closest thing to what we would say to our self if we were saying something to our self as we experience it) is the only real truth of ourselves.
Every other additional idea – or any other word we might add to the phrase “I am”, is a choice, and this choice becomes reality for us as soon as we make it.
Whatever we assume “we are” becomes real for us and we experience ourselves and our life through that assumption.
“I am not good at relationships”, or “I am awesome at relationships”, “I am terrible with money” or I am really good with money” are all examples of ideas we add onto the truth that “I am” through our choice.
We always have the ability to hit the reset button on any assumption and let it go if we discover that it’s not making our life better.
By simply remembering that “I am” – period, from there, we can choose whatever additional ideas we want to add to “I am” if we want to, or simply let the assumptions that are no longer useful disappear in the simple truth that “I am”.
For words and music that ignite your unlimited possibilities, visit: http://www.AndyHarrisonMusic.com
What does it mean to be a good person or a bad person?
In this time period with so many differing ideas about what this means being thrown around, I thought it might be useful to get back to basics and get super clear about what it means to be good or bad.
How would you like to be absolutely certain about whether you or someone else is behaving like a good person or a bad person?
Would this clarity be helpful?
What if being a good person or being a bad person can be defined by only one behavior?
Check out this simple definition and find out if it rings true with your experience:
A bad person is someone who tries to make someone else be less, under the delusion that they will be more because of it.
A good person is simply someone who doesn’t do that.
There are always two parts to our life: the known and the unknown.
Happiness is successfully dealing with the unknown, and success is happily dealing with the known.
The two steps to become an expert at anything are:
eliminate all your choices – except for the ones that work the absolute best, and
do enough correct repetitions of making only those choices, that they becomes a habit
To successfully deal with the unknown, we can eliminate all choices except for the following three:
If you want to be happier with anything that is unknown in your life (how you could make more money, how to find or keep a relationship strong, ways you might be able to improve your health, what your true purpose might be, etc.), make sure you are only doing the above things when you deal with it. Any other choice will lead you further away from happiness with it.
To happily deal with the known, we can eliminate all choices except for these following three:
If you want to be more successful with anything that is known (your current job situation, a relationship, your current health, what you know to be your life’s purpose, etc), make sure you are only doing these above three things when you deal with it. Any other choice will lead you further away from success with it.
We all know how it feels to have trouble making a decision. When wait for the right insight or the right feeling and it doesn’t come quickly, we can sometimes feel a high level of uncertainty and anxiety.
How would you like to have the ability to make the right insight or the right feeling come to you more quickly – maybe even instantly? How would you like to have the ability to make decisions confidently all the time?
After reading this, you might discover that you already have this ability, you may have just been doing something extra that has gotten in the way of your natural ability to make clear, confident decisions.
Confidence is the ability to interact with the unknown and still feel how you want to.
Confidence is the ability to interact with new, unfamiliar situations and still feel the feelings you want.
Or in teenager speak: (Like) confidence is being able to deal with stuff without freaking out (so, yeah).
This is being responsible or response-able – having the ability to respond.
What gets in the way of us being confident ( and our ability to make clear decisions) is when a situation that is new (the unknown) does not match up with the pictures in our head about how we think things should be in that moment.
This is when people who are not response-able experience what they call “a problem”.
Or in other words, this is when people who are less confident sometimes freak out.
Without there being a picture in your head about how you think things should go, any new unknown situation would be easy to deal with. It would be no different than dealing with any other situation, right?
So the solution to being more confident in life and making clearer decisions, is not building up your idea of yourself and adding some new level of ego to your identity, it’s simply to let go of holding onto pictures in your head about how you think things should go – that’s it.
Once you let go of the habit of holding onto pictures in your head about how you think things should go, you will feel your natural confidence. It’s naturally what is underneath all the extra mental activity that we have grown up being conditioned to think we need.
You might then discover that the only thing you ever have to decide in life is the very next thing you will do – that’s it!
You only ever need to decide what you will do in the very next moment only. Making decisions can feel as easy as having a fun conversation with a really good friend:
Decide on and say only one sentence at a time and then leave a space for your friend (your life) to say something back.
any situation in your life is only as good as the system you have in place to continue to improve it.
Otherwise it is here and gone, or it is here and you will want it to be gone.
Any system you have in place to continue to improve something is only as good as you continuing to be the only one in charge of how you feel about yourself.
Otherwise you will rely on the system or it’s results to make you feel good about yourself and you will always fear loosing it or you will be afraid of it changing.
You being the only one in charge of how you feel about yourself is only as good as you continuing to choose the energy you want to feel each moment.
Otherwise you will experience less happiness than you could.
You continuing to choose the energy you want to feel each moment is only as good as you continuing to be open to what else is possible.
Otherwise you will only try to get everything that happens to match up with the pictures in your head and you will never discover your best life possible that you couldn’t possibly have imagined yet that is already happening every moment right now.
When looking at my life now verses when I was younger, the basic way things happen has not changed – I still have no idea what will happen in the future.
What has changed, is that now I no longer care to know what will happen in the future, and this has made all the difference in my level of happiness and it has allowed me to notice more quickly how everything that does happen is the absolute best possible thing for the improving of my life.
There are two feelings – two types of experiences – that we are always attempting to keep balanced in our lives:
First we crave to feel safe; to know with some level of certainty that we will continue to survive. Once we feel safe enough, then we crave feeling more alive.
If we focus on creating too much safety in our lives, we can begin to feel less alive. And if we focus on creating too much aliveness in our lives, we can begin to feel unsafe.
We’ve all had times in our lives when we felt bored, less than excited, or trapped in a job, a relationship or a situation because we were trying to create too much safety.
Many of us have also experienced times when we threw caution to the wind trying to feel more alive, or maybe in an attempt to free ourselves from one of the above situations, and jumped into a circumstance that had very little or no safety – maybe having no source of income, no relationships to rely on, or a situation where your health was compromised.
What we ultimately want is the perfect balance of feeling safe and alive simultaneously. We want enough safety to know we will be O.K., and enough aliveness to feel excited about living every moment.
One mistake that most of us make is assuming that feelings of safety come from knowing the future. We think that if we have enough certainty about what will happen, then that is how we get the feeling of safety.
The problem with assuming this is that our brains were not designed to know the future. It is impossible for us to know what will happen – period. So anytime we get a feeling of safety from attempting to know the future, it is because we are believing our own bullshit – we are believing in the lie that we know how things will go this time.
Using the strategy of trying to guess the future in order to feel safe is , in my opinion, is the number one cause of stress, fear, doubt, a lack of confidence and yes – feeling unsafe!
So how do we feel safe and alive at the same time with the perfect balance every moment?
Here are three simple steps to experiment with, if you you want:
Decide that you will always be willing to be open to what else is possible – even when things seem really certain! If you make this decision, you can have 100% certainty about how you will approach the unknown, and this is all the certainty your brain actually needs in order to feel safe.
Make the following phrase into a habit by repeating it to yourself 100 times:
“What am I no longer expecting this to become, and what else is possible now?”
Practice using this phrase in your everyday life, when things seem uncertain AND when things seem certain. You might be amazed at how much more alive you can feel! Even after using it 100 times or less, you will have developed the balancing of feeling safe and feeling alive into a lifelong habit.
When we’re feeling less than happy with what is a happening and we want to feel better, we have only two main choices.
We can choose to focus on the story of what is happening, or we can choose to focus on the energy we would rather be feeling.
The story is simply the details of the stuff that is happening; the who, the what, the when, the where, the how and the what if.
When we focus only on the story, it’s easy to start feeling less happiness than we want, especially when the story isn’t happening in a way we expected or in a way that doesn’t match up with our version of how we think it should be.
The energy is the feeling experience we want. It’s simply the answer to the question:
“How would I want to be feeling now if I had the choice?”
When we focus on the energy we want more than on the story, we gain more choice about how we feel. We can start to notice that the story and the energy aren’t necessarily connected.
In other words, we can begin to see that we can choose to feel how we want to, whether the story is happening the way we expected or not. We can begin to see that our happiness is not bound to the story happening in any particular way.
We can begin to notice that being happy IS separating the energy from the story – not having the story be happy all the time.
Then we might notice how this can apply to every area of our lives:
Happiness with finances is separating the money from the work.
Happiness with people is separating the love from the relationship.
Happiness with health is separating our sense of vitality from our body.
Happiness with our art is separating the excitement of creating from what we are creating.
Many people grow up being afraid of making changes in their life because they’re afraid they won’t be happy once things change.
But when they develop the skill of being happy regardless of their circumstances, they feel the confidence and freedom to experiment with their life and discover what else is possible without any fear to stop them or slow them down.
They realize circumstances are not where happiness comes from, so making changes becomes a fun, playful, exciting process of discovery because they know they can be happy no matter how things turn out.
AND – more often than not – their circumstances continue to improve because they continue to experiment.
The happiest people are the people who learn to separate their happiness from their circumstances.
The next time you find yourself reacting to, responding to, writing or talking about any of the following issues, consider taking a moment to ask yourself these questions to find out if your future is being stolen out from under you.
Here are the issues:
Anything regarding the election
The latest national security threat
The latest viewpoint of what is or is not politically correct
Here are the questions:
Am I 100% happy with how every area of my life is going right now?
Do I have proven systems in place that are consistently improving these areas of my life that do not require all my time, energy and focus?
Knowing that to consistently improve any area of my life, what’s required is that I consistently focus my attention, energy and time on discovering and implementing the things necessary to allow those improvements to happen, does it make sense for me to be spending my time, energy and focus on this right now?
Knowing that there are only so many years left in my life, so many months in each year, and so many hours in each day, is me focusing on this as much as I have been the best use of my time and energy?
Knowing that every moment I spend focusing on things that have no way of improving my life, I am missing valuable opportunities to create greater long term happiness for myself and those I care about, does it make sense for me to focus on this as much as I have been?
Do I believe that major corporations do make, and will continue to make, decisions that are, and will be, in my best interest and will help me to design my life closer to how I want it to be?
Knowing that at least 80% of all main stream media outlets are owned by only 5 major corporations, does it make sense for me to rely on them to choose for me what is important to spend my time, energy and focus on?
If I look objectively at the things I have said and written about these topics, how many of the words and phrases have I heard through main stream media outlets?
What might be possible in my life if I had more time, energy and attention to put towards creating my life the way I want it?
What if everything that is the absolute best thing for us is already attempting to enter our our experience every moment?
What if the only thing keeping us from letting it all happen is us getting distracted from noticing it through our attention being sucked into our pre imagined story that is happening inside our heads about what we think should happen and how we think things should unfold?
What if simply setting our attention free from the story being played out in our heads and giving ourselves permission to take a break from having to either build this story or keep it going in a certain way allows us to notice that our best life ever is already happening?
What if the right feeling, the right idea and the right circumstance is waiting for you just beyond the story?
What if “there” is really “here” minus the story?
What if you got curious enough to simply try out letting go of building or maintaining the story just for one day and instead you simply decided to notice what shows up?
Living a happier life is simply a matter of getting better at the skill of making the life inside you a bigger focus than the stuff and the situations in your life.
When you put more of your attention on the life inside you than you put on the stuff and situations in your life, you automatically have a happier life no matter how the stuff and situations might change in your life.
The life inside you is always there, is always changing and is always bigger and more powerful than anything that can ever happen to you.
You can notice the life inside you simply by noticing the feeling of excitement.
Simply paying attention to and acting on what is most exciting to you right now is getting better at this skill.
What if you had a volume knob that controlled the amount of happiness in your life?
What if feeling happier in any situation was as easy as turning this volume knob from one position to the other?
What if this happiness volume knob was bio metrically fit to work only if you were the one turning the knob?
What if it worked no matter what else was happening in your life and it was yours to keep and use for the rest of your life?
Well if you’ve read some of my other posts, you probably know what I’m going to say next…
You do already have this happiness volume knob and if you’re not using it, it’s probably because no one ever told you about it. Learning that you already have this volume knob can feel a little like learning you can fly and that you always could, you just never knew it.
Please picture a volume knob out in front of your field of vision.
Now please picture that it has only two possible positions on it; one if you turn it to the far left, and one if you turn it to the far right.
The position to the far left is labeled “expecting what you have in mind”. When your volume knob is set to this position, you experience the least amount of happiness possible.
The position on the far right is labeled “discovering how it’s way better than that”. When your volume knob is set to this position, you experience the most amount of happiness possible.
Now imagine you are in the next situation where you don’t feel as happy as you’d like to feel. Can you see it, hear it and feel it? What is happening?
Now imagine yourself in that situation seeing your happiness volume knob out in front of your field of vision.
You notice that it is in the far left position, set to “expecting what you have in mind”.
You realize that you are feeling less than the amount of happiness that you want because you are expecting things to match up with what you have in mind, and that is not happening in the situation.
Now imagine you turn the volume knob to the far right position, setting it to “discovering how it’s way better than that”.
You feel all of your energy and focus quickly shift from you judging the situation against the pictures in your head to you opening up and becoming curious about how this situation could be, or could lead to something way better than what you had in mind.
You feel your level of happiness instantly increase. You feel lighter and more free.
As you continue through the situation, you notice that anytime you start feeling less than the amount of happiness you want, it’s because your volume knob has clicked back to the far left position and you are once again “expecting what you have in mind”.
You realize the reason that it clicked back to the far left position was not because you consciously decided to turn it back. You realize that the far left position has been the default position for this knob almost your entire life because no one ever told you there was another position; in fact, no one told you there was even a knob in the first place!
You realize you have become an expert at “expecting what you have in mind”, and not so good at discovering anything different than that, much less “discovering how it’s way better than that”.
As you are realizing all this, you notice your volume knob out in front of your field of vision.
You notice again that it’s a knob with two positions and that if you want to feel more happiness, all you have to do is turn it to the far right position.
You reach out and turn it back to the far right position again, back to “discovering how it’s way better than that”. It works! You instantly feel happier and lighter! You instantly start to notice things that you didn’t notice before: new possibilities, new opportunities, things that could happen now that couldn’t have before.
As you remember that you have a happiness volume knob and you remember to use it, you realize it gets easier and easier to do. You realize it’s not hard to use, it’s just sometimes hard to remember you have it and to use it.
You notice that life seems to give you greater opportunities to get better at remembering to use your happiness volume knob. In fact, it seems like as soon as you learn about your happiness volume knob, life instantly tries to challenge you and give you situations where it is not easy to remember you have it and use it.
You notice that the more you remember to use it, especially through the more challenging situations, the easier it gets, the more it becomes part of how you live and the happier your life is becoming.
Your WHY is the underlying assumption (or belief) that is behind an action that you take. It’s the underlying reason you are choosing to do it.
Whether you are aware of the true reason you are doing something or not, the stuff in your life – the matter – will react to it and line up to support this assumption (this belief) being true.
Matter reacts to your WHY.
While there are many reasons why you might choose to do something, all of them fall into only two main categories of WHY:
Reasons that are based on you assuming you are not enough now and
Reasons that are based on you assuming you are always more than enough
When you do something because of reasons in category one, you are doing it to complete your mental idea of yourself. To get the feeling that you are enough.
When you do something because of reasons in category two, you are doing it simply because it is the best expression of how you can be more than enough right now. You already feel that you are more than enough now and the reason to choose doing this thing is because it is simply the best way to continue to feel it right now.
When our WHY is based on category one reasons, we become obsessed with trying to predict and know the HOW, the WHAT, the WHEN, the WHERE and the WHO related to our choice.
When our WHY is based on category two reasons, we aren’t that concerned about knowing the HOW, the WHAT, the WHEN, the WHERE and the WHO related to our choice; we simply enjoy the process of discovering them when and however it happens.
Matter reacts to your WHY.
For example: let’s say you decide to change jobs. You are tired of your current job because it has too many hours and not enough pay. If you change because of a reason in category one, you are feeling like you are not enough now and you are hoping that the new job with less hours and less pay will help you feel like you can finally be more of a complete person. You have probably been feeling a little obsessed with trying to predict and know the HOW, the WHAT, the WHEN, the WHERE and the WHO related to making this decision and you finally decide to go for it.
The problem with this is, that without changing the underlying reason – the WHY – behind your actions, you carry the same assumption (belief) into the new job – that you are not enough now, and your life will continue to react and line up with this assumption.
Then once you are in the new job, guess what happens?
You are there with less hours and more pay and it feels good for a while, but your assumption that you are not enough is still there operating in the background causing the stuff – the matter – to line up with it and prove it to be true.
So then your new boss comes to you and gives you more hours, or you suddenly have unexpected new bills or monthly expenses, or any number of other things happen, and you are right back to feeling like you are not enough and you are again experiencing a life that is proving it. You again, become obsessed with trying to predict and know the HOW, the WHAT, the WHEN, the WHERE and the WHO related to your next choice whatever that might be. Does this seam familiar?
The most common reaction to this kind of situation is to blame our circumstances and to once again, try to change our situation, but the change won’t feel any different in the long run and the circumstances won’t be different in the way we were hoping for long unless and until the underlying assumption behind our actions changes.
Let’s run the same scenario using a reason from category two. So you decide to change jobs. You are aware of a different job opportunity that feels more exciting to you than your current job. If you change because of a reason in category two, you are already feeling that you are always more than enough – no matter what job you are in. You feel like you could stay at your current job and still feel like you are always more than enough, but this new opportunity feels like a better choice for you to explore more exciting ways for you to be always more than enough right now.
You start working at the new job realizing that this is just one of many options you have to enjoy the process of experiencing yourself as always more than enough, and this option simply feels like the most exciting option right now. You are not really that concerned about knowing the HOW, the WHAT, the WHEN, the WHERE and the WHO about what might happen in the future because you know that no matter what happens, you always have the choice to choose the options that feel most in line with how you want to be.
And you know that matter reacts to your WHY.
If you want a simple way to know if you are making a choice that will actually make a positive change that will last, remember this one question that works for any decision big or small:
“What’s this the most exciting thing to do right now?”
The answer to this question, is the right choice for your to make – period. Here’s why:
The most exciting option is always the option that is attempting to line up with you assuming you are always more than enough. It is your greatest growth opportunity in that moment.
By you consistently choosing to focus on and act on the most exciting options, you are automatically choosing a WHY based on the assumption that you are always more than enough.
Think about it for a second.
When you pay attention, you’ll notice that the most exciting options aren’t always the easiest ones. In fact, more often than not, they are the options that require you to stretch beyond your current limits – but not too far.
The feeling of excitement is a result of you choosing the option that represents your maximum growth opportunity in that moment. It is right between the options that feel boring and the options that feel overwhelming. If you look, you will always find the most exciting option right there.
This is what many people have called following your instincts or trusting your gut. This is what every master of anything relies on more than anything else when making key decisions – and you have this ability too.
The most exciting choice is the natural choice of assuming that you are always more than enough and that there is always more than enough. When you feel excited about doing something, it is your life’s invitation to prove it to be true now.
The stuff in your life – the matter – will react to this assumption and line up to prove it to be true. It has no choice but to do this.
Matter reacts to your WHY.
But how can I do the most exciting option all the time? How will eat? What about money?
You might make more money. Check out this video on how this relates to money and business and how people buy your WHY not your WHAT:
But what about my relationships? The people in my life won’t understand me doing the most exciting thing all the time. I have responsibilities!
You might experience more love in your life. When you assume that you are always more than enough, you have way more to give to others and this will show up in stronger, more connected and deeper relationships – not always in the way you might think or with the people you might think now.
But what about my health? If I do the most exciting thing all the time, I might neglect my health and be in real trouble!
You might be healthier. During my first experiments with doing only the most exciting thing before I wrote the book “Grow Happy”, one of the unplanned results was that I became very interested in learning about eating healthier and exercise. I got into the best shape of my life, got to 11.5% body fat ratio, and developed life long understandings and habits that have continued to this day.
What about my life’s purpose? If I only focus on and do the most exciting thing, I might neglect and miss out on my true calling.
You might discover that you paying attention to and acting on your greatest excitement is the only way to truly discover your highest and best purpose. As things unfold, you might become very surprised about the things you were holding yourself back from that could have a true impact on helping yourself and the world be a better place.
For more on this, check out the book “Grow Happy” on Amazon:
Do you get frustrated trying to help people be happier in their lives?
Do you find yourself giving your best advice over and over to people who never take it?
Are you tired of hearing people talk about the same old problems again and again, and having the same conversations over and over?
Have you given up on people because they just never seemed to want to get past the same old patterns in their life?
Would you be interested in knowing how to free yourself of this experience and never feel frustrated again?
Try out these 3 simple steps to feel great about helping people be happier:
Step 1) Realize that the majority of people don’t want to be happy. It’s true. Most people want to feel safe and accepted by others and they want to imagine a time in the future when they could feel more confident, but they do not want to be happy now. In fact, most people cannot even conceive of how they could be happier now – to them it feels like such a far leap – an impossibility because their attention is only focused on how they are not feeling safe, accepted or confident enough now.
When you talk to them about being happier or doing something that you think would lead to that, they feel like they are standing on the edge of a huge chasm with a 1000 foot drop into nowhere and you are asking them to step off the cliff. It’s not going to happen.
When you talk to most people, you will find the conversations much easier and more productive if you focus on helping them feel safe and accepted. Then you can talk to them, if you want to, about small ways they could feel more confident about what they are most interested in, not what you are most interested in. And definitely don’t talk about them being happier because that is too far beyond what they feel they can focus on right now.
Step 2) Get over yourself (I’m writing this for me as much as for you). There’s nothing more frustrating than trying to sell people something they don’t want to buy. Nothing is more frustrating than trying to help someone be happy when they don’t want to be. Let’s face it. Who are you to give them advice anyway? You don’t know how it felt to go through what they’ve been through. You don’t know what it’s like to be them. You’re not faced with what they have to deal with everyday. These kind of statements are going through the person’s head every time you try to give advice to someone who doesn’t want it. And let’s face it. They might be right!
What is it about your idea of yourself that tells you you know more than them about what’s best for them? You might want to consider all the ways you could be helping yourself be happier if you didn’t feel like you had the moral authority or obligation to pass on your “wisdom” to people who don’t want it anyway. What parts of your life could use more of your time, energy and attention?
Step 3) Do what’s most exciting to you – period. When you focus on what you are most excited about without “trying” to have an impact on other people, you are free to explore, discover and create things that reflect your greatest excitement. When you try to have a certain impact on people with your thoughts or advice without focusing on doing and saying what feels most exciting to you, your advice can feel stale, forceful and inauthentic. When you let your words come out as a result of the process of it being the most exciting thing you can say right now, people will either accept what you say or not, but either way it doesn’t matter. You are offering your advice because it’s the most exciting thing for you to do right then – period, and that not only gives the advice the best chance of having a real impact, it allows you to feel excited about it regardless of the outcome.
And I do see the irony in me writing this post in an attempt to help you be happier :-).
If you're feeling like your life is less than an adventure and you'd
like to add more excitement to it,it may be way simpler than booking
a trip or jumping out of an airplane.Try out these 3 amazingly simple steps and discover the adventure
that's already in your life now.Step 1) Remember that your brain is creating your reality and thus how
your life feels every day. The way we feel about our life is ONLY a
result of the meaning that our brain is giving to what we experience
– not what is actually happening. The one assumption that often times
keeps our life from feeling like an adventure is we assume that when
things don't turn out as expected, that means they will be worse.
This assumption is no more accurate than any other assumption and in
many cases will create that reality in your life.Step 2) Carry this one assumption with you:
“Different than expected is better than projected”
“Different than expected is better than projected”
“Different than expected is better than projected”Step 3) Anytime something happens that is different than you expected,
set off on the adventure of discovering how “different than expected is
better than projected” this time. How is what is happening better than
what you had expected? What is possible now that this has happened that
was not possible before? What things could happen now because of this
that are better than what you were thinking?Simply by changing this one assumption you can notice how much adventure
there is in your life already everyday!-Andy
The human brain has developed a seemingly unquenchable addiction to certainty. If left on it’s own, it will always try to take the easiest and fastest route to any circumstance where you can feel certain, safe and secure.
This is a dis function.
The elite few who run the majority of the systems under which most human activity operates, also have this dis function. The only difference between them and the majority of people, is that they have learned about this dis function and have designed their systems to capitalize on it.
They understand that we can never know for sure what will happen next so in reality, the closest thing we can have to total certainty is the commitment to putting everything to the test, and then continuing to do that every day for as long as we live.
The one thing that has given these elites their main sense of certainty is the fact that the majority of people do not understand this dis function and will always choose the easiest and fastest route to feeling certain, safe and secure.
So all the elites have to do is create circumstances in which the choices they want the majority of people to make, appear to the masses as being the easiest and fastest route to certainty, safety and security.
They also know that people understanding and choosing to break free of this dis function is the end of their control over the direction humanity goes and the end of their sense of certainty, security and safety.
This is the epic battle that we are in right now – the battle between our true selves and our brain’s addiction to certainty – which very well could be the battle between our own survival as a species and our brain’s addiction to certainty.
In preparation for the recording of CD #17 this past week I performed the 11new songs for the great people at Clark’s Bistro!
Here’s an impromptu video of the song “Even When It’s Not Fair” taken by Julianna:
I wrote this song for corporate seminars addressing some of the top issues with employees not being happy at work. This song is designed to help people shift from feeling stuck in an unfair environment to a more empowered position of focusing on their own potential and growth no matter what.
Here are the lyrics:
I’ve put in so much here, myself and my time It’s hard when it’s not seen, not recognized I’ve waited for changes, I’ve bended my plans The least they could do is to understand
Chorus: How can I keep moving, moving ahead Finding the strength to care Giving my best here, giving my all Even when it’s not fair
How long can I stay here, how hard can it get Can I choose a feeling more than regret Widen my picture, a new point of view Look down from above it and know what to do
How can I keep moving, how can I keep moving ahead Feel myself growing, feel myself growing instead
This trap can literally keep us from getting the things we want most and can keep the things we want most away from us.
It’s the trap of what other people think.
Even the most confident people can sometimes let what some people think about them determine what they think about themselves and what they are willing to feel about themselves.
Even those of us who have spent years of our lives overcoming this trap can still have those few people or that one person that still gets to us.
It can feel like we are under a spell of some kind, like we can’t fully be ourselves or fully do or have what we want until or unless these people or this person thinks good things about us.
Does this seem familiar?
If so, just know that this happens to everyone once in a while. Sometimes as different people and situations change in our lives, this trap can come up in new and unexpected ways – until we see that it’s just a pattern our brain has been running and we choose to let it go.
When I was a teenager, I felt trapped by what certain friends thought about me. When I was a young adult, it came up only with a few people. Now in my life, it seems to only come up with my kids (anyone with a teenage daughter will know what what I mean) – until today just before writing this.
I probably don’t need to sell you on the benefits of not being trapped by what other people think. If you’ve ever felt this way or are currently feeling it, I know you can imagine the extreme relief and freedom you have by allowing yourself to be and feel how you want regardless of what someone else might think about you.
And that’s the key. When we hold back feeling good about ourselves until someone else thinks a certain way about us, we are putting our life on hold. We are putting the power to be how we want in someone else’s hands.
I know you know this. I know we all know this. But what can we do if it still happens even though we know this and we know we know this?
If you are feeling trapped by what other people think and want to not be, here’s a simple phrase to remember. Try it out today if it feels exciting, and notice how you can feel better throughout the day:
When we feel trapped by what other people or another person thinks about us, our brain is making this assumption:
What other people think of me determines how I can feel about myself.
Try switching it around to:
What I feel about myself determines what other people think of me, much of the time, and it always determines how I feel about myself!
In this wonderful opportunity filed time of political discourse, I have found myself baffled by one thing:
The venom with which people are sharing their points of view is what, in my opinion, is the most important story right now – way more important than who gets elected.
It seams like something is in the way between our own happiness and our willingness to have a different point of view than others when it comes to this election for some reason.
I have really been wondering what that is.
When our happiness depends on others having the same point of view as ours, then we become nothing more than an easily controlled mob of discontented victims rather than a secure, respectful, caring population of empowered and empowering world citizens. Continue reading Warning! Political Rant Ahead!
Drama is a result of people interacting with each other in an unhealthy way.
It happens when both parties agree on one assumption: That neither person is enough.
Each person assumes that they are not enough to get everything they want or need by themselves so each one tries to get what they want from the other person by playing a pretend role.
In the book “Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Caring for Yourself”, Melody Beattie outlines three specific roles that people fall into that create drama:
When we experience drama with another person, it’s because one or both people are trying to fit each other into one of these roles.
Some people get so used to playing one of these roles that it becomes part of their identity. They almost can’t have an experience of another person without placing them in one of these roles.
Maybe you know someone who always pretends to be a victim no matter what the circumstances are. When someone takes on the victim role, they try to fit other people into the other two roles. When they are with you, they are trying to figure out whether you are going to play the part of the hero, the villain or a fellow victim.
Maybe you know someone who always tries to be the hero. When a person takes on the hero role, they are always trying to fit you into the victim role or the villain role. They will always be trying to fix you or shame you.
Maybe you know someone who always end up in the villain role. You can’t seam to ever trust them because they always seam like their up to something, but when you talk to them they talk as if they are the victim.
Does any of this ring a bell in your life?
When people play out these three roles (they are almost always played out unconsciously), the interactions can feel really unsettling and down right terrible. We can end up with hurt, angry or depressed feelings and not really have a clear idea why we are feeling this way. We can walk a way from an interaction like this feeling terrible and really confused about why and what to do about it. Then we feel just weird,uncomfortable or scared thinking about the next time we have to see that person.
When we learn to spot these three roles, and can instantly notice when someone is playing one of them and it gets a lot easier to not fall into one of the other roles. We can remain objective and have more choice over how we enter the interaction. We can begin to stop the drama before it starts.
I put together these three acronyms to help myself more easily recognize these roles when they come up and to instantly remember the psychological mindset behind each one.
Whenever we have a problem, it is ultimately about our self concept wanting the power to redefine or to keep up the definition of who we are in the situation.
Whenever countries or groups of people go to war with each other, it is ultimately about each group wanting the power to redefine or to keep up the idea of themselves.
We all have this ability already. We were all born with it.
No one else and no arrangement of our circumstances can give this power to us or take it away. That is why, until we realize this, most people’s problems don’t remain fixed for long. That’s why no one can ever truly win a war.
We, and only we, can choose to recognize and use our power to define who we are in every moment.
It does not require or rely on anyone or anything else’s participation.
It does not rely on our circumstances being in any particular way.
We can define ourselves how we choose when we are rich. We can define ourselves how we choose when we are poor. We can define ourselves how we choose when people love us. We can define ourselves how we choose when people hate us. We can define ourselves how we choose when we are in good health. We can define ourselves how we choose when we are sick. We can do it when we have total clarity about what we are here to do, and we can do it when we have no idea what to do next.
Choosing to recognize and use this power is how we can turn every problem into a gift.
Choosing to recognize and use this power is how groups of people can win every war without fighting anyone
Feeling happier on a regular basis doesn’t have to be hard. It could be as simple as knowing a few things about how our brains work and implementing a couple of new habits.
Sound too easy? You might want to consider challenging yourself to find out for sure, by trying out the simple exercise at the end of this post for an hour to find out how you feel after that hour. It might be easier than you thought to change your overall levels of daily happiness forever.
We’ve learned from neuroscience that our brain is continually asking us three questions:
“What do I focus on?”
“What does it mean?”
“What do I do?”
These questions are hard wired into our experience and we can see the value of them in terms of surviving. When our earlier ancestors lived in extremely life threatening environments, these three questions came in very handy to keep them alive, and they still do that for us today.
But our brain continues to ask these questions even when we’re not in immediate danger. Even In our current environments where most of us aren’t experiencing immediate danger, our brain continues to ask these questions and find answers to them.
How our brain answers these three questions on a regular basis has more to do with our level of happiness than virtually anything else.
Unless we have already consciously chosen, or are consciously choosing in each moment, how to answer these three questions, our brain will use the easiest, most readily available information to get answers to them. This results is that our brain filling in the answers with a combination of our conditioned responses from social programming and other learned responses from throughout our life and the strongest stimuli we are experiencing in the moment .
This can result in our overall levels of happiness feeling like they either happen on a very random basis and like we have very little influence over them, or worse, they can feel very predictably negative, turning almost anything that happens into a negative experience.
So how can we use these three questions to help us raise our overall levels of happiness when we aren’t in need of them keeping us from immediate danger?
One way is to decide ahead of time how to answer these questions for our brain, but in a way that won’t stop it from keeping us safe when we need it to. What I mean is, if we simply supply answers about what to focus on, what things mean and what to do, then we are simply programming our brain to respond in a certain way no matter what happens. This is exactly what social programming does and it doesn’t take into account what is actually happening at the time. For example, a workaholic’s programming might supply these answers:
“What do I focus on?” – work
“What does it mean?” – I’ll make more money (or I won’t feel the emptiness inside)
“What do I do?”- work
These answers might be fine in some environments (like at work) but might create a lack of health and joy if they are used in every situation.
So if we design answers to these three questions in the form of another question, one that points our attention to what we most want to experience AND to what is actually happening simultaneously, then we have answers that provide our brain with enough direction AND enough openness to help it find more happiness in any situation.
Here are two questions you can try out to raise your own happiness levels by supplying your brain with these answers:
“How am I feeling better than ever?”
“What’s the most exciting thing to do now?”
In asking the first question, you are answering your brain’s first two questions:
“What do I focus on?” – answer: focus on how I am feeling,
“What does it mean?” answer: it means I am feeling better than ever and I’m going to find out how.
In asking the second question, you are answering your brain’s third question:
“What do I do?” – answer: find out what the most exciting thing to do is right now and consider doing that
If you are curious about these, play around with asking yourself these two questions over the next hour and find out how much of an immediate impact they can have on your level of happiness. If you think of better questions for you, you can try them out too.
Tomorrow I’m doing a free webinar on the Science of Confidence, Happiness and Success and you are invited!
The webinar is called Reach Your Dreams Happy. How to get what you want now and feel happy forever. The three amazing, simple and scientifically proven steps to living your happiest, most successful life ever now.
Here’s just some of what we’ll be covering:
Discover your best you though connecting with your unlimited happiness every day
Instantly shift your experience of not enough money, time, love or clarity to one of always enough money, time, love and clarity
Stop or greatly reduce the stream of random or negative thoughts
Double or triple your levels of confidence and happiness in every area of your life simultaneously
Discover and begin living your true life’s purpose
Eliminate or greatly reduce worry, anxiety, fear or anger
Become three times more productive and create with effortless excitement
Tap into you creative genius
Find or rediscover love and improve all your relationships
Maximize your income and improve your ability to living in increasing abundance
Improve your health and increase your personal power and influence over the stuff in your life
Set up your life to watch every area of your life improve everyday
And much more!
The webinar will be held on Wednesday evening, February 10th, between 6PM – 8PM Pacific Standard time.
Again, this is a free webinar.
To enroll, simply click this following link and fill out the short survey so I can tailor the webinar to include what you are most excited to focus on.
After you complete the survey, I’ll send you log in instructions for the event.
Have you been feeling overwhelmed or bored lately?
If so, this is REALLY GOOD news!
Feeling either overwhelmed or bored actually means that there is greater long term happiness just around the corner waiting for you!
When we feel either overwhelmed or bored that means there is a conflict between our natural energy (or our true purpose or natural direction in life) and how we are choosing to interact with the stuff that is happening in our life right now.
When we resolve this conflict, we instantly connect with a greater experience of our unlimited natural happiness. It’s like we were lost in the wilderness for a while and now we are suddenly back home and we appreciate what that feels like on a much greater and more powerful level than ever before!
One of the key components of learning how to do this is recognizing that longer term happiness is a result of us staying in the excitement zone. When we choose to focus and act on what feels exciting, this results in us experiencing greater and longer term happiness.
You might notice that the most exciting option you could choose at any given moment, is not always the easiest option; in fact, often times it may seem very challenging. You might also notice that the feeling of excitement falls between the feelings of boredom and feelings of overwhelm.
If you choose to focus on what’s too challenging, you will feel overwhelmed. If you focus on what’s not challenging enough, you’ll feel bored. When we choose to focus and act on what’s exactly challenging enough for us right now, we feel excitement.
Getting some skill and practice at doing this more consistently in our lives, gives us the ability to more quickly and more easily bring the happiness that is always available into our lives no matter what is happening.
So how do we do it? How do we resolve this conflict, stay in the excitement zone and move from feeling overwhelmed or bored to feeling happy on a whole new level?
Here are two formulas you can use right now to begin making this shift.
If you are feeling overwhelmed, your formula for feeling happier is:
Overwhelm + clarity + shorter term focus = excitement
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, then getting a little clarity about what you are the most excited about right now and then focusing on a smaller amount of time (like maybe only on what you want to do in the next hour, rather than over the next 10 years), this will instantly reconnect you to more of your unlimited natural happiness.
If you’re feeling bored, your formula for feeling happier is:
Boredom + opening up to more options + longer term focus = excitement
If you’re feeling bored, then getting curious about all the things you could get excited about experiencing over a longer period of time (like over the next year or over the rest of your life), and then having a longer term focus, will instantly reconnect you to more of your unlimited natural happiness.
You’ll know if you’re focusing on the right length of time based on how excited you are feeling. You can play around with shortening or lengthening the span of time you are focusing on with either of these formulas, until you reach your maximum level of excitement.
Feeling overwhelmed or bored is your signal that greater happiness is waiting for you to notice it.
If you have read any of my posts over the past several years, you probably know that I have been a little obsessed with one question:
What does it take for us to experience more happiness in or lives?
I don’t usually share a whole lot of my personal back story about why I’ve been so focused on this because I’m not very interested in my story (it’s in the past and it’s only pictures in my head any way) and I’ve been mostly excited to share the “how to” parts of what I’ve found to work because I’ve assumed that that would be the most interesting and helpful thing for everyone.
On this post, however, I’d like to share the quick version of my personal story of me asking that one question for one reason: I’d like to invite you to work with me in creating a way to share what I’ve learned so far with a larger number of people.
I feel that what I have learned , discovered and tested so far is at a point now that can effectively help a larger number of people bring more confidence and happiness into their daily lives. I am looking to organize a small focus group of people who might be potential “would be” customers of this new product, to learn about, design together and tweak the details of exactly what this product would be, how it would best be delivered, who it could help and more.
Initially I’ll simply be asking the group to fill out a few small surveys and then later, to review the early versions of the product and ads and give your feedback. I want to make sure I provide at least ten times the value of the time you spend on this back to you, so first I’ll be asking some questions to discover how I can best do that for you.
If this seams like it might be exciting to you, then read on to get the quick overview of the story behind this and then email me at: Andy@AndyHarrisonMusic.com if you’d like to be a part of the focus group. Thanks!
At age 11, I was a pretty unhappy kid in life most of the time, but during the process of writing my very first songs, I had a mind blowing experience where I suddenly gained access to complete and total happiness. For whatever reason, playing the guitar became a doorway to this unbelievably blissful state where it literally felt like any and everything was possible.
I could feel this alive, thriving energy all around and flowing though me. Colors were extremely vibrant and everything seamed to crackle with aliveness. I could literally hear already completely finished songs just hanging in the air and all I had to do was simply sing and play them and write them down. This happened over and over on many different occasions back then, and during the process, I felt 100% happy. But feeling this way was limited to only when I was writing songs.
These experiences got me so curious about what it would take to feel this level of happiness and effortless productivity all the time and it became one of the driving forces in my life to discover everything I could about this.
Over the years, I studied with some of the worlds leading experts in personal change techniques, I spent time learning from spiritual gurus and I had the honor of creating music for therapists and coaches all over the world. I wrote several thousand songs, some of which have been played on radio stations around the country and in many other parts of the world.
I discovered that through the process of exploring how we can access what I’m calling our “unlimited natural happiness”, I accidentally invented a new type of rock music and a new type of personal change system. I now call the music “Transformational Rock Music” , rock music systematically designed to help you choose more happiness when you want to, and I call the set of change systems “Everything IS Changing Now” or E.I.C.N. for short.
In 2014, I wrote a book called “Grow Happy! The 5 Transforming Steps of Lasting Happiness” that outlined the best of E.I.C.N. up to that point, and it told the story behind the invention of Transformational Rock Music.
I learned that we do have the ability to choose to be as happy as we want to whenever we want to. I learned that happiness is mostly a result of focusing our attention more on the energy of life than on the stuff of life, and I became very skilled at doing this. During the year of 2014, I felt I had really learned how to be happy (almost) all the time, and I was! My level of overall happiness and productivity was through the roof compared to every other time in my life AND it wasn’t just limited to a few areas – it as happening in all areas every day!
I was sharing this new information with other people by giving speeches and concert / workshops and by writing several blog posts or videos per week. I found that people who already had experience with spirituality, meditation or who were generally pretty happy could easily use the stuff I was sharing and were genuinely excited about it. But when talking with people who struggled with happiness, I discovered there were some missing pieces that they needed to even want to hear about ways to choose more happiness.
I was experiencing more happiness everyday in every area of my life and every area of my life was growing consistently better than it had been – except for one. There was one area of my life where it wasn’t always easy to stay happy about it. I found that thoughts about this area of my life sometimes pulled me back into fear and then the results I created in that area became less desirable.
For the year of 2015, I decided to spend that year, learning, exploring and hopefully filling in the missing pieces for those people and for myself. I decided to focus less on energy and more on stuff in order to do this. I decided to not be as happy in 2015 as I knew how to be, to uncover these pieces.
2015 was, in fact, a great year. I discovered many things, including those missing pieces. The year was not as happy or productive as 2014 was. In fact, in general, my overall levels of daily happiness were about two to three times less. I was focusing way more on the stuff of life than I had been, all the events, people, things, situations and plans were occupying a majority of my attention. I would sometimes get caught focusing on turning thoughts about the future and not even be aware of how I as feeling for long stretches of time. My productivity was also about two or three times less than it had been and the process of doing things became less effortless and more disjointed.
At different times during the year, life felt very much like it felt during certain periods in my 20s; not very fun and not very productive. But I knew it would most likely be that way going in. The advantage I had this time though, was that I knew how to be happier anytime I wanted to. Using the steps outlined in my book, I could quickly refocus my attention and feel as happy as I wanted to. Of course I gave myself permission to do this from time to time, but I was committed to finishing the experiment of living with more focus on stuff until I had discovered what the missing pieces were and I had a reliable way to effectively communicate them to anyone in a way that would be inspiring and actionable.
So you know how it feels to come back to something that you love after being gone for a really long time? You know that AAAAAHHHHHH feeling?
Flying back from Oahu this past Tuesday, I realized the 2015 experiment was over. I had just given a speech on the very latest discoveries of 2015 (and Jan of 2016) and I realized I had learned everything I had set out to learn. I had discovered the actionable steps to ensure consistent growth and happiness in my challenge area of life and in the process I’d found the steps for all the other areas as well. I found a way to show people how to choose more happiness from whatever level they were currently experiencing- even on the verge of suicide. I had discovered a new set of streamlined steps that I had proven to work in my life and I’d been able to help other people get similar results in their lives also.
It was time to integrate everything I had just learned with everything I knew from before. As we were flying, I did a simple 10 minute exercise that restarted the shifting of my attention back to focusing more on the energy and less on the stuff. I instantly felt about three times happier than I had on most days in 2015. Instantly, I no longer had turning thoughts about random stuff or the future. I could see everything I had been exploring in 2015 from a brand new perspective and all the pieces were there along with a knowing that I now knew how to live consistently happy and consistently productive in all areas of life AND I had a way to show this to other people!
I am very excited to focus more on the energy of life again, and now in a way that will allow all the stuff in every area of my life to continue to improve consistently. I am also very excited to discover the very best ways to share all this with as many people as possible so that they can experience similar results in their life, if and when they want to.
Thanks for reading and thanks for choosing to be you!
Neuroscientists are discovering that the happiest people have the habit of focusing their attention on different things than most people.
Research is showing that this habit not only allows these people to experience greater and longer periods of peace, unity and happiness, but it also creates physical changes to the structure of their brains.
These changes make staying happier for longer easier to do for these people than being unhappy. It literally becomes easier for them to be happy than to not be, even when they are experiencing challenging moments.
In my research on this and through discovering ways to make these habits more actionable for people, I’m discovering that we can begin to create this habit for ourselves simply by shifting our focus from focusing primarily on stuff, to focusing more on energy.
Stuff is all the matter in our lives; all the things, people, places , events, situations and ideas that we deal with everyday. Most of us put all or most of our focus only on stuff.
Energy is the alive, moving element that gives life and motion to all the stuff. Most of us can’t normally see this energy under normal conditions, but scientist have been able to measure the orbs of energy that flow through and surround every human body and all other things.
It’s being revealed that the happiest people focus on the energy more often than on the stuff.
We can most easily experience this energy simply by noticing how we are feeling, both physically and emotionally, in any given moment.
I’m finding that putting slightly more than 50% of our focus on the energy rather than on the stuff, allows us to be at our most alive, productive and happy.
There’s a simple exercise you can do that takes less than 10 minutes, that will begin to create this habit for you automatically.
I have personally researched this exact exercise for over two years, both using it and not using it, and I will say that it can double or triple levels of consistent happiness in a very short period of time.
I would love to share this excise with you (for free) if you are interested. Just message me on Facebook or email me at: Andy@AndyHarrisonMusic.com and let me know.
What if you learned that there was a way to guarantee that you would be happier a month from now than you are now?
Would you be curious about what that way was?
What if you found out that by learning and implementing this, you could also continue to guarantee being more happy beyond next month, next year and far into the future?
Would you be excited to learn more? Would you be willing to try it out and discover if it really works?
If you answered yes, then the rest of this post might be very exciting to you, because there might actually be a way to do this!
On the most basic level of our life, happiness is a result of how much the things in our life match up with or exceed our expectations.
If what is currently happening in our life meets or exceeds what we were expecting, then we feel happy on the most basic levels of life.
If what is currently happening in our life appears as worse than what we were expecting, then we feel unhappy on the most basic levels of life.
So we can think of it as a simple formula for basic happiness:
Stuff meets or exceeds our expectations = happiness
Stuff doesn’t meet or exceed our expectations = unhappiness
What most of us do is to attempt to get stuff to meet and exceed our expectations and then once that happens, we try to keep it that way.
We are just trying to use the formula.
But what happens over time when we continue to do this?
We find that sometimes we can get stuff to meet or exceed our expectations and sometimes we can’t. We also find that once things are meeting or exceeding or expectations, they often times don’t stay that way. Additionally, we often times discover that as soon as we get stuff to meet or exceed our expectations, we suddenly begin having larger expectations.
All of these create the experience of feeling happy sometimes and not happy other times and it feels like our future happiness is outside of our control; that there is no way to guarantee how happy we will be at any point. But what if we’re wrong?
What we overlook when we feel this way is a very important part of the happiness formula above. We overlook the one thing we do have 100% control of: our expectations.
We may not be able to predict or influence exactly how or what stuff shows up in our life, but we have 100% control over what expectations we bring to what shows up. We can guarantee what we will choose to expect next month, next year and 30 years from now.
This gives us a tremendous amount of influence over the happiness formula and thus a tremendous amount of influence over our future happiness!
Remember the basic happiness formula we talked about above is:
Stuff meets or exceeds our expectations = happiness
We may not always have control of the stuff, but we always have control of our expectations.
If we decide to only expect things that we can guarantee happening, then the stuff that happens will always meet or exceed our expectations.
This will create the result of us always being happy at the basic level, as long as we choose to do this!
This is one of the secrets of happiness that many enlightened spiritual leaders have learned. But we don’t have to wait until we’re completely enlightened to make use of it.
So how on Earth do we decide to only expect things that we can guarantee happening?
First we discover what expectations we can guarantee happening. Then we eliminate all the other expectations we might be holding onto.
Here is my current take on how we can do this. I’ve broken the entire process into five steps that work together to help you experience greater amounts of happiness as you take each step. I’ll share the basic idea of the first one here.
Step1) Eliminate all your expectations except that:
You are always noticing or acting on some improvement happening
If you let go of expecting anything to happen – except that you will notice or act on some improvement happening – this can guarantee that you can be happy at the most basic level no matter what happens.
You can decide now that no matter what happens, next month, next year or 30 years from now, you will not expect any particular thing to happen except that you will do your best to either notice or act on some improvement happening – that’s it.
If this feels exciting to you, try this out today or over the next week and discover how much lighter you can feel and how much more happiness is available to you that you may have been overlooking.
Then there are four other steps to this process that can help you guarantee happiness at higher levels also.
Thanks for reading and thanks for choosing to be you!